does money talk?

at this point in my life, it doesn't. lately i have been noticing how easily people are swayed by the thought of making more money. it doesn't appeal to me. 

i work somewhere where some people make alot of money, and others make an average amount, able to provide enough for their families. as i meet more people and learn their ranks, i realize that the people who make the most money are the most unhappy. 

they see their family less. they are on call, work long hours, constantly have to travel places. sure, they can provide and give more than enough to their families, that is truly admirable. they work hard and deserve that payment. 

but when does the money stop talking? is it after you've missed a few of your daughter's dance recitals? your son's meet the teacher night three years in a row?

i would really like to know.

for me, i'm just a young person, still not 20. but working here makes me realize how important it is to love what you do. don't get me wrong, some of those people who make all that money make their job work for them. they set the rules, they make things happen. but those who are just in it for the paycheck, how good does it feel? is it worth it?

i just don't understand how now, at this age, people are already so obsessed with making money. 

i would rather work 40 hours a week being paid minimum wage and loving what i do, rather than 20 hours a week being paid double minimum wage and despising what i do. 

just to clarify, i am very grateful to be working where i work and making what i make. but eventually, (and already i've learned this) the money stops talking. 

shift work is not fun; it ruins plans, sleep patterns, and emotionally and physically drains you. i just feel like some people don't get it until they're there. 

it's easy to say "stop complaining, you make X per hour." but it's more than that. 

so much more. 

that healthy life

so today is day two of my yoga adventure. i've signed up at a new gym and am hoping to change myself. i want to get to know myself better and make myself better, emotionally first, and then physically.

so far this is hard. I have a wicked sweet tooth, but i'm going to try my best. i like the feeling of working out. i like sweating. that's the best part: knowing that you're working your body. the soreness is worth it. for me at least. 

maybe you're trying something new too? i wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. it is so hard, but it will be worth it. let's work together. let's make it happen! 

this woman is my inspiration.

she lives every day doing what she loves and feeling happy. she shares it with the world and i thank her. she makes me want to try and fail and fail again and then maybe someday, succeed. practice makes for improvement. and that's all i'm hoping for. 

have an awesome day :)

significants and i feel

there are people in my life that are significant. they make me who i am. lately i find that these people have been getting on my nerves. i find some becoming distant. i feel inadequate. i feel like i've done everything wrong.

i feel like i don't do anything fun anymore. i feel like i have nobody to talk to. i feel that when i do talk to people, they don't want to listen. i feel like i've made bad decisions. i feel like i always mess things up.

i have a tendency to not think before i speak. that gets me in trouble. sometimes the things i say cause problems. 

i like when the people i love are happy. when they're not, i don't know what to do. some don't like to be cheered up and when this happens i feel like a fool. 

when i'm upset i test people. it's not a conscious thing, it's just what happens. no matter how many nice things they say, i turn it into a negative. i want to see how hard they try. not many people last long.

i know that's wrong, but i still do it. my lows are low. but when the new day comes, i start out fresh.

what do you do when you feel as if someone's sadness and disappointment is your fault?

i'm at this point. is a breakup in the future?

when you've surrounded yourself with someone for this long they become a part of you.

but the last thing i want is to hold someone from their dreams. if it's meant to be it will be, right?

hope so.

luck is all i have.

Waiting

sitting patiently

awaiting the call

watching the raindrops,

the sundroops fall

transfixed by how easily

those things pass the time

while waiting to see when the time will be mine

getting away

there's part of me that is so obsessed with traveling that i rarely know what to do with myself. i live in such a small town that the idea of the rest of the world is so enticing. there's nothing to do here. and when i say nothing, i mean nothing. we have a sculpture garden. our art museum is seldom open. the bowling crowd is creepy. the downtown scene is creepier. 

so, when i got a taste of europe, i fell in love. in grade eleven i was lucky enough to participate in a history field trip that visited paris and normandy in france; berlin, germany; belgium and amsterdam. ever since i've returned from this trip i've longed to go back. i don't understand how anyone could ever be bored living in such a place. there is always something to do. always. 

i live with my family still, so i'm an official freeloader. part of me is fortunate, but part of me wishes i would have gone away for school. i want to travel the world and learn to be independent. i want to see people living where they live. i want to experience culture and foreignness and just get lost. with european parents this is hard. even going two hours away to stay with a friend for a weekend causes them distress--imagine if i moved out of country! they would have a coronary. 

just one day i want to make something of myself. i want to be known in a place that i love, not some small town genius. i want my name to be on something that travels the world; i want to do something brilliant. i want to be something great.

but, for now i'm stuck in this little town with a name no one knows.

whoever invented lipgloss

must not have had hair. is it just me? every time i put that stuff on my hair gets stuck. how is anyone supposed to pretend they're glamorous if they have to constantly pick hair off their lips? is there a non-sticky lipgloss?

i'll just stick to burt's bees beeswax lip balm...